I started to post failed New Years resolutions that I've had over the years to remind myself not to make resolutions because they usually fail (duh!). However, I decided to start the year off with thirteen quotes from comedians, some funny, some serious, and some thought provoking. Happy New Years and Happy Thursday Thirteen!1. Joy Behar - "Anorexia is just another word for nothing left to lose."
2. George Carlin – “When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?”
3. Johnny Carson - "For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."
4. Bill Cosby “I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please”.
5. Rodney Dangerfield - "I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."
6. Phyllis Diller - "I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality."
7. Bill Maher – “Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious”.
8. Richard Pryor – “The black groups that boycott certain films would do better to get the money together to make the films they want to see, or stay in church and leave us to our work”.
9. Joan Rivers – “I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor”.
10. Chris Rock – “Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to”.
11. Chris Rock – “Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!”
12. Wanda Sykes – “Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crack house or something. Just let me get going”.
13. Lily Tomlin – “Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them”.
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81 comments:
These were all funny! For some reason I liked 2,3, and 12 the best. Wanda Sykes is my favorite comedian. Have you heard her do the Crank Yanker calls? If not you have to listen to them. They're not that bad,but they're not safe for work...Here's the link: http://www.wandasykes.com/WandaSykes_media.php
www.mamapj.com
Just think, all this time I thought that "freedom" was just another word for nothing left to lose. Thanks for setting me straight. :-)
I was laughing out loud through most of this TT! #10 is on one of the Chris Rock comedy CDs that I own. I am picturing Phyllis taking one in the grill from Miss Congeniality. I also really liked the ones by Rodney, Bill Maher, and Lily Tomlin.
Thanks for the laughs -- memories. I have not heard the Crank Yanker calls that thriving at 30 mentions. I'll look on you tube.
Chris Rock tells the truth disguised as jokes, doesn't he? (smile). Funny list. Thanks for the laughs and the chuckles.
Very funny! Happy 2008 to you...
Love the Johnny Carson quote ... and intend to use it and claim it as my own! Thanks for visiting my TT.
I am going to make a note of No. 2 and keep calm at all times! God bless.
Thank you for that funny list. I have never liked Chris Rock but what he says shows that many a true word is spoken in jest.
This is so good! I love it. Don't know which one is the best, maybe the Phyllis Diller one.
SJ Reidhead
The Pink Flamingo
http://thepinkflamingo.blogharbor.com/blog
These are all great! It is hard to beat Chris Rock for honesty. Thanks for sharing these.
SOOOO Funny! Wonderful list. Happy TT and Happy New Year. :)
OMG #7 ROFLMAO! The rest were great too, but...OMG!
LMAO...now thats some funny stuff. #1 totally cracked me up, even though the disease itself isnt funny. You gotta love comedians. They say things others wouldnt dare to. Happy TT and thanks for stopping by:)
what a great list! loved #7 and #9
These are HILARIOUS. I CAN'T CHOOSE. I love Maher and Chris Rock....I literally am laughing out loud....
13 Unresolved Issues from 2007
Hi-larious! I can't choose a favorite. Thanks for providing a much needed laugh.
Thanks for the laughs!
http://joyismygoal.blogspot.com/ Oh boy well human nature is funny isn't it
A couple of good ones I hadn't heard before. :) Happy T13.
*LOL* That was a great laugh!
Thanks for visiting my attainable resolutions TT.
These are very nice and funny list! Thanks for sharing:)
My Thursday 13 is up as well! Happy New Year!
Those were pretty funny, although I cannot stand Joy Behar! The woman drives me insane. The rest I like.
Oh that last one was a perfect note to begin an election year on!
I think the Richard Pryor one could apply to about anything people like to cry and complain about!
Have a wonderful new year!
thriving at 30, Thanks for the information on Wanda and the website. She is one of my favorites as well.
Malcolm, I think that's "lack of freedom", uh uh, now I'm confused. Phyllis is still kicking, I seen her one morning on this court show. Anyhow have a Happy TT.
susie j., Thanks for visiting. I enjoyed your TT this week.
Lori, A lot of what Chris says is very truthful. Happy TT.
Ellen, Thanks for visiting Happy TT.
the gal herself, Johnny Carson was funny, especially as "The Great Carnac" (I think that is what he was called). Happy TT.
sandy carlson, Thanks for visiting and Happy TT.
Nicholas, Chris Rock can get on my nerves sometimes, but I liked these two quotes. Happy TT.
s. j.reidhead, I like the Phyllis Diller one a lot to. Have a Happy New Years too.
Good ones! Laughed out loud at a few of these :)
reeha! i liked number three especially - I'm a huge carson fan!
Happy new year and happy TT.
Loved your list!
http://www.ageorgiaangel.com/blog/?p=191
:: smile :: Indeed. Except for the Chris Rock one. That's kind of cruel. ;)
My TT is about goals this week.
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