I started to post failed New Years resolutions that I've had over the years to remind myself not to make resolutions because they usually fail (duh!). However, I decided to start the year off with thirteen quotes from comedians, some funny, some serious, and some thought provoking. Happy New Years and Happy Thursday Thirteen!
1. Joy Behar - "Anorexia is just another word for nothing left to lose."
2. George Carlin – “When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?”
3. Johnny Carson - "For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."
4. Bill Cosby “I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please”.
5. Rodney Dangerfield - "I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."
6. Phyllis Diller - "I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality."
7. Bill Maher – “Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious”.
8. Richard Pryor – “The black groups that boycott certain films would do better to get the money together to make the films they want to see, or stay in church and leave us to our work”.
9. Joan Rivers – “I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor”.
10. Chris Rock – “Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to”.
11. Chris Rock – “Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!”
12. Wanda Sykes – “Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crack house or something. Just let me get going”.
13. Lily Tomlin – “Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them”.
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